Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
