Define "chronic" masturbator.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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