Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
