It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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