I think I won the penis lottery.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
