i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
