Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
