I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
