i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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