she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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