it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
