You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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