is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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