Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
