my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
