You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
