Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
