i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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