She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
