Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
