So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
