I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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