i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
