How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
