Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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