Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
