He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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