dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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