Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
