You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
