Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
