Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My bed smells like the plague
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
