well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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