I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
