Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
