I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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