How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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