oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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