You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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