Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
