I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
