proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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