our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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