The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
