ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the liver wants what the liver wants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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