Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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