I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In America we eat man semen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
