Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
