Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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