i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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