Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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