cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
