Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you had me at cake vodka
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
