Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
